Our immigration forms were sent out today. It's a big step. Yesterday we cashed in the change we've been saving for the past few months, plus the garage sale money, plus the generous donations made by our church and friends in order to send these forms in along with their rediculous fees. Don't get me started.
I was worried. I knew I was going to be short.
I shouldn't have worried. I should have known . God called us to this adoption and He continues to equip us each step of the way. He is equiping us in every possible way.
That's good because I've been feeling a little detached from the whole thing lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in love with the boys! But it seems a little unreal and I can't get my head around it.
Maybe I'm just trying to stay sane.
Or trying to protect my heart.
I'll be getting on a plane and travelling to a foreign land in a few months. I'm excited, but I'm wondering how I will handle things like language barriers and jet lag. But most of all I'm concerned about how the boys will meet my expectations. I've got pretty low expectations, in case you are wondering. Is that right, though? I'm just so uncertain about what to expect that I done want to think too much about it. Hence, the disconnect.
If you know me then you know I'm used to being in charge! How will I handle being obseved and instructed what to do and when to do it, where to sit and where not to sit with the boys? How will I hand those boys back to their caregivers at the end of each visit?
I guess the only way to know is to slop though it. One step at a time. Knowing that we are doing God's will and that He will carry us across the finish line.