I had a dream the other night where I brought my sons back to their Eastern European orphanage for a visit. I have a super duper overactive imagination so it was really...umm...surreal. The children were having art lessons for pity's sake! I knew where I was even though it was unrecognizable.
I don't put much stock in this type of dream. I think of it like housekeeping for the mind. More like purging! I don't consider this dream to be any sort of oracle or calling. But...
It makes me want to be there. There is a chunk of my heart missing. I'm pretty sure it broke off in that stuffy upstairs grouppa room.
I never had a difficult time sharing what it was like over there like other people I know. Maybe it just wasn't that bad? Maybe my heart is a little harder than it could be. Now, nearly three months out, I'm starting to forget. I'm wondering if it really changed me or not. I need to go back.
Crazy. There are a few children I'd go back for.
If I had to. If no one else goes. No one else seems to be interested. My goodness, could I even pull that off again?
OK, rambling here. Must be bedtime!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
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I understand completely. We've been home 3 months and I am ready to go back. People may think I'm crazy, but I can so live with that. I had someone give me the "You can't save them all... You did your part by bringing these 3 home" speech at church on orphan sunday of all places! And it was right after the video I'd made sharing about the enormous need. Grrr! The guy totally missed the point of my video, which was Isaiah 54:2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, people!" I've looked at my life and searched my heart, and I know I can do more. Do without more. Whatever's required for the sake of one (two?) more of God's precious ones.
ReplyDeleteSteph, I haven't finished one adoption yet, I don't even know where the money to finish this one is going to come from yet, but my heart knows that we are NOT finished. I'm trying to figure out how we can raise the money during our first year home so we can start our process again as soon as we are able. Family & friends keep saying, just get through this one first and see if you even WANT to do it again. They don't get it. It's more then want, I know that we are meant to have more children, and that they are out there waiting already. My poor husband knows too, although he's is very worried and stressed about it - it's taken us 7 years to get here.
ReplyDeleteBRADY AND HEATH!!
ReplyDeletePlease don't think that people aren't interested. I'm totally interested! I would be there tomorrow picking up somebody if we can gather the money. Money is really our only obstical. We should get our completed homestudy to review today :)
ReplyDelete