No fear. Persevere.

Hebrews 12: 1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

This verse is speaking to my heart today.

If you thought that we were adopting two children because we really wanted some more children, then you would be mistaken. With nine arrows in our quiver, it would be absurdly easy to say no more, we’re done. We are comfortable. Life is good. No more children for us. But, I never wanted an ordinary life. And then God called...

I’m an idea girl. A dreamer. I love knowledge. I love to learn things and try things. I get excited.

And then things get real. Things get tough.

I’m a starter but not much of a finisher. Undisciplined. I know.

But I have nine children. One with some significant needs. They all depend on me. So I have the privilege of daily battling my selfish, undisciplined nature. I get to question things that many people take for granted and root out the things that have no place in my life. The things that hinder and entangle me.

Now two more children are depending on me. Alec and Zhenya.

It’s no small thing either. It’s not like they are depending on me to make sure they get their medicine on time, or get to baseball practice on time, or have lunch money, or have clean socks and underwear. I can’t always seem to get those little things right. But this…this is LIFE and DEATH.

I don’t have the option to change my mind now. I can’t let the adoption “thing” slide. Not that I would want to, just to be crystal clear. I need to follow through and complete the course that has been marked out for me. But, fear is creeping up on me. Here is where we are:

Our dossier is en route to Eastern Europe.

We will likely be traveling in roughly 6 weeks.

We do not yet have the funds we need to travel.

The money is bothering me. Not just that we don’t have it all nailed down yet, but my attitude is bugging me. I yelled at my children today for playing in the mud because they would need an extra bath and water costs money, don’cha know! How utterly ridiculous! Is this adoption derangement syndrome, I wonder?

The crazy thing is this - from the very beginning we have always somehow had just enough money to complete each step of the process. Thousands in deposits, donations and home study fees, just to get the ball rolling. Roughly a thousand for immigration approval. Hundreds in notaries and international shipping. I’ve always said that God does not always call the equipped, but he always equips the called. I believe that we have been called to this. What am I worried about?

I WILL be finishing what I started this time. God willing. I will make and sell enchiladas until my hands turn orange. (It actually doesn’t take long for the sauce to stain my skin.) I will borrow and go into debt. I will ration water, haha! I’m even going to ask (beg?) for money. I’m going to lay down my pride.

Times are tough, I know full well. But if you have ever considered supporting us in this rescue mission now would be the time to take a small step forward. Really, no contribution is too small.** One dollar. Ten. Pocket change? Baby steps…they add up!

As our travel date approaches it is time to get excited. No time for fear. I will persevere and finish this race.